you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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