We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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