somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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