I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
