Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
