My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
