the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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