It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
