Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
