i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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