For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
