At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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