Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I still have a little drunk in my system
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
