u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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