I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
