I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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