I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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