sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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