Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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