I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
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