Whod you bang
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
