Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
do nipples grow back?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
