Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
