sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
