Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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