Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
