He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
