Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
