Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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