There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Randomize
