He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
