i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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