Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
