it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
