AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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