I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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