My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
