Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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