The maid of honor just puked.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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