Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
