I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Randomize