How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
