It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
