I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
