Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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