Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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