so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
