I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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