If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
