all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
