A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
