that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
