Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
