on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize