considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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