That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
