Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
