my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
