dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
