When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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