OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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