her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
