I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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