Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
