Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
