Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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