Hey man sorry I got all grabby
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
