you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
