i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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