I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
