I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
