was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
