do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
