is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
