friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
