i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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